So it’s no surprise that today is the anniversary of our wedding day. I did receive quite the surprise on Saturday at our karaoke party though when Erika and I were planning a trip to The Melting Pot in Portland for our anniversary/Valentines day. My calendar is clearly marked with a red heart on our Anniversary and says 4 years. She started thinking and mentioned she thought we got married one year apart and not two since they are going on their 6th anniversary in June. I was sure that I had counted right and to prove it pulled out last years calendar and looked at the big red heart on the 8th. To my shock it said 4 years as well! What!?! We got married in 2005? She started busting up and I was confused. I couldn’t believe we were at our 5 year mark already. I had planned to renew our vows at 5 years and with 2 days to plan it that isn’t happening. I wanted to get a new dress and have Professional Wedding Portraits taken since the first time around we had a friend with a nice camera take our pics but you can tell they aren’t professional photos. They are great but not fantastic if you know what I mean. So we call Adam in and ask him how long we have been married and he says 4 years as well but got our date wrong. lol. Go figure.
So we both start cracking up again. Well we tell him surprise it’s been 5 years and all and he just shrugs it off like a man.
So here I am bummed that we aren’t renewing our vows and I don’t want to do it at 10 years I wanna do it as young as possible! lol. Perhaps we can renew them in the summer and have nice WARM outdoor pics. Yeah maybe that’s what we can do.
WARNING: If you are sensitive and don’t like to hear about loss of a life then skip down to the wedding photos. Personal and Graphic
I am writing this because I know I am not alone and the only one this has happened to. Perhaps my story will help someone else.
It was five years ago on this very day that I was almost 5 months pregnant. I had been having some bleeding issues and was told to take it easy so I was. I had to prepare for our wedding the night before so I was just getting tables ready and wrapping candy for the centerpeices and everything was going great. I did have to go up and down a flight of stairs a few times but thought nothing of it. Well when we got done decorating I went home to get a good nights rest. (Two days earlier Adam had been at work and got home around 3am I think. Since I had been having issues with bleeding it was not a big worry when I thought there was some when I was sleeping so I woke up for a min when he got home cause I heard him enter the room. I told him I thought I better have a pad so he got me one and back to sleep I went. I was so tired nothing struck me at the time to cause worry. When we woke up I looked at the pad and there was no blood but it was totally soaked so I was sure my water had broken. Took a shower and headed to the ER. After doing the strip test where it changes colors if it detects the amniotic fluid and it barely changed my dr insisted my water didn’t break. They did check for the heartbeat and she kicked so we thought all must be fine.) Back to the night before my wedding, Well a little bit later I woke up with pains and I thought that the baby was sitting on my cervix and I kept trying to poke at my belly to get her to move outta that spot. I got sleep off and on then figured maybe I had to go to the bathroom so off I went to give it a try. Figuring perhaps I was gassy as a lot of pregnant women can get I gave a push and felt something come out but not out of the right spot. I looked down to see a little leg and was in disbelief. I yelled out to Adam to call 911 and quickly laid on the floor. Well the ambulance came and took me away. After about 2 hours I had Gracie Marie Kessler and she was 7 inches long and 4.6 oz. She was already gone and much too little to try to save if she had been born alive. I was very afraid to look at her so I asked first and the nurse said it would be ok so I did. She was so perfect and small, I counted her fingers and toes and looked over her precious body. Due to the circumstances we hadn’t thought to bring a camera so I was very happy when the Chaplain came in and asked if we wanted some pictures. They also took footprints and put her in a tiny dress and hat. We held her and prayed and against the Dr’s better judement because I had to have a d&c since the placenta wouldn’t come out he let me go around 3pm since we were to be married that night at 5 or 6.
Because of what had happened I was told to sit as much as possible so the minister brought 2 chairs up to the stage and we sat in them throughout the ceremony and greeting line. Hardly anyone knew what had happened earlier in the day and I wanted to keep it that way to not make people sad since a wedding is a time of celebration. We partied the night away and when it was over and we were finally in bed all I could do was cry. It felt so good to let it all out since I had stayed strong all day and night already.
Well we had a beautiful memorial service that the hospital takes care of for families of babies that don’t make it. We let a bunch of balloons go into the sky afterwards for Gracie. My sister made a beautiful box with her name on it for all of her mementos that we had gotten and been collecting. I finished the scrapbook I had started earlier in pregnancy and look at it occasionally when I want to remember what she looked like and all that happened that day. For now I rest with the hope that one day I will see her again.
Since all of this had happened to me I joined a wonderful non-profit group called Now I lay me down to sleep. It is a group of professional photographers that offer free services to the parents of a baby who is terminally ill and won’t make it long after birth or didn’t make it. The photographer doesn’t get paid and comes and photographs the child as soon as possible at the hospital or where ever for free and gives you a disk of the images after they edit them and sometimes they also offer slideshows. If you know anyone who could use these services send them to me at 360-957-5918 or www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com to find a photographer so that they will have memories to look back on later. Photographs are a great aid in the healing process and I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have some of Gracie. Thanks for listening.Here are some wedding photos.
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